i'm MAC

Long and Busy Year

2011-12-04T17:23:00.000-08:00

It feels like years since I last posted on here. I've been very busy this year with work and hanging out with friends. As I mentioned in my last post, this year has been fun and exciting for me. I've gone to so many museums, movies, bars, and events that I could have ever imagined. I've had little time to focus on my writing and my passion for comedy. But I needed a year like this to show me what I missed out on during my teen years. I didn't have the opportunity to drink, party, or stay out late when I was younger, but now I have the chance and I'm enjoying it. As much fun as I've been having lately, I have been exhausted at times. There are times when I'm so stressed out and tired from work, I just want to go home and sleep for 10 hours. But I can handle it for now. I'm going to keep having fun until this year ends. Come 2012, maybe I'll tone it down a little. But I have to continue having fun while I'm still young. Happy Holidays!

Sights, Sounds & Places

2011-06-26T11:57:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted on here for a while because I have been very busy. I've been working, hanging out with co-workers and friends, and writing articles for Starpulse and doing my BlogTalk radio show. This year has been the best year of my life so far. I've been to so many events and visited so many places. I've gone bowling for the first time, done Karaoke, rode the cyclone and other thrilling rides at Coney Island - Luna Park, gone to the AMC Theatre on 34th street to see films like Hangover 2 and Super 8, attended a Pillow fight in Union Square, visited museums like the Bodies Exhibition Museum, drank some delicious beer at the Brooklyn Brewery, attended NY Liberty, Knicks, and Yankees games, received great lap dances at different strip clubs, played games at Dave & Buster, and gone to various bars and restaurants with my fellow co-workers/friends after work. Not to mention, I've been having some great sex lately with a nice girl. The list can go on and on. I hope the fun never ends and continues for the rest of the year.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!

2010-12-31T16:29:00.000-08:00

The last couple of weeks have been really crazy, but entertaining and exciting for me. A couple of weeks ago, I went to my first ever NY Giants game at the New Meadowlands Stadium in Rutherford, New Jersey. I thought the ride to Jersey was going to be very long, but it was just about two hours. I took the local Q train to 34th Street - Penn Sation and then transferred to a Path train heading to Hoboken, NJ. Then I got off and purchased a ticket to for a train heading straight to the Stadium. The Stadium is big and beautiful. Since this game was between the Giants and Eagles for the division title, the seats were filled and sold-out with Giants fans who were cheering and high fiving each other throughout the game until the last play when the stupid Giants punter kicked the ball off to one of the fastest guys in the NFL- DeSean Jackson. From there Jackson recovered the ball he almost fumbled and ran past all of the Giants special team players into the end zone. To make matters worse, he ran the clock out just before he stepped into the end zone for the winning touchdown. All of the Giants fans sat there depressed as the Eagles players and fans celebrated like they just won the Superbowl. It was a cold, cold day --literally. We lost the game and I froze my ass off. The only person I think was warm during the game was this old dude sitting next to me who wouldn't shut up. His hot ol' breath kept him warm. Anyway, despite seeing my Giants lose an important game and freezing my butt off, it was a great experience. I'll never forget my first NFL/Giants game at the Meadowlands. I can tell my future kids that I was in the seats that day when the Miracle at the Meadowlands II occurred.

Last week, me being the nice guy that I am, I bought some Christmas presents for some of my co-workers. I gave some of them snow globes, cookies, and Christmas cards. I gave my crush a bottle of Sangria (her favorite) and a card. In return, she and another female co-worker gave me a card and scratch-off prize tickets. I gave both of them big hugs. I also received some Winter gear from my best female friend in the company. I gave her some cookies, a CD, and a card as Christmas presents. It was a Merry Christmas for my co-workers and me because of all the gifts I received this year.

Last night, some of us co-workers went drinking to a bar near the work place. Everyone got drunk and almost everyone made out with each other. I had the chance to make out with my best female friend and another female co-worker, who is very wild. But the most important kiss was from my crush. After I saw her kiss several other people, I asked if I could get one. And she agreed and puckered her lips against mine. It wasn't a long kiss but it was just enough for me. That kiss is special because of the feelings I have for her. I always imagined and fantasized what it would be like to get a kiss from her, and it finally happened. I wanted another kiss after that, but she was hesitant. I still think she likes me because of the way she looks at me from a distance sometimes and has trouble making eye contact. Hopefully this New Year I can break the ice between me and her by having a one-on-one conversation over some food and drinks after work.

This year was full of partying, drinking, and lusting. I really enjoyed it and hope there's more of the same craziness in 2011. Happy New Year to all!!!!!!!!!

Highs and Lows

2010-12-14T19:49:00.000-08:00

The title says it all. The last couple of weeks have been really high, and really low. Let's start with the highs. Two Saturdays ago, me and my buddy Will hung out and went to the Chinatown Fair Video Arcade. We hadn't been to an arcade since we went to the Coney Island arcade for my birthday. The difference between the Chinatown arcade and the Coney Island arcade is the Chinatown arcade has old school video games like Ms. Pac- Man, Street Fighter, Tekken, and other games from the 80's and 90's. We had a fun time playing those classic games and I kicked Will's butt in the fighting games for the most of the day. Aside from the arcade being all the way in Chinatown, the only thing I didn't like about the Fair Video Arcade was the smell in the back. The back of the arcade smelled like feet and poop. Me and Will only stayed for two minutes in that area. The combination of the sweat coming from the kids playing those dance off games and the poopy/feet smell in the back was too much too take. Me and Will left the arcade a half an hour later. We were there at the arcade for a good two hours. Like I said, it was a fun time. It made me feel like a little kid in junior high again going to the arcade and filling the video game machines with quarters. After leaving the arcade, me and Will headed to Times square to Shake Shack. A month earlier, I told him how great the burgers and shakes are at Shake Shack when I went with one of my co-workers. Will wanted to believe the hype and go to the shack to try the burgers and shakes himself to see if I was indeed right. And I was! After waiting what seemed like hours on -line in the cold, we finally got into the restaurant and got our hands on those delicious burgers and shakes. Once Will tried his burger and peanut butter shake, he was hooked. His hands didn't leave his tray once. Neither did mine. I cleared all the food off the tray except the jelly donut ice cream that I brought home with me. Will believed the hype and said he would invite his family to Shake Shack one day. I was happy he enjoyed the food and didn't go back on-line in the cold for seconds. After the Shake Shack meal, we both headed home and rested our full bellies.

Another high occurred last week when my company held a holiday party after work. All of the employees were required to bring in gifts under $30. A couple of weeks before the event, I purchased a hula hoop hoping my crush at the job would somehow get it. The day started with most of the co-workers attending a three hour personality survey training. Later, we had a brief meeting and headed over to a bar/lounge for the holiday party. When I got there I was already dressed to impress. I was in my black suit and tie. I was looking good. I put my gift on the gift table and spent the night chatting with the co-workers, eating, and drinking. I tried to have some one-on-one time with my crush, but as usual, she kept running away from me as I tried to talk to her. I did however talk with her roommate whom she invited as a guest. I got some insight on why she behaves the way she does. Anyway, near the end of the night, everyone was given numbers to go up on stage and pick a gift. At any time a number after the previous number could steal a gift from that person. I was hoping my crush picked my gift or at least steal it from somebody if she got the chance. And that's exactly what happened. Two numbers before, a female co-worker picked up the hula hoop. As soon as my crush saw that hula hoop, she wanted it. And she wanted it bad. When it was her turn to go up, she stole the hula hoop from the other female co-worker. She ended up with the hula hoop without anyone stealing it from her. Just like I planned and imagined. I was so excited to see her playing with the hula hoop afterward and sharing it with the other co-workers. That made my night. It was fabulous!!!!!

And now to the lows. My job is starting to become more stressful and stressful. So many things to do in this position. I feel I should be getting paid more than I'm being paid right now. Also, I am getting tired of the late shift. Every four weeks I'm assigned to the late shift. I have no problem going to work late, but I hate leaving late at night when everybody is already home. It's frustrating. Another thing that's frustrating and depressing is my relationship with my crush, if you want to call it a relationship. I barely have the chance to talk to her. And when I do talk to her, she's always hurrying up to end the conversation or walk way. I really like her but I feel helpless in trying to develop some kind of friendship with her. I think I'm going to have to write a letter to her. It's the only way I can explain to her everything I'm feeling.

Party Animal

2010-11-20T15:38:00.001-08:00

The past few weeks have been the best few weeks of my life. I've partied more than I've ever partied before. It all started two days before Halloween, on a Friday, when I went to the Flashdancers' Annual Halloween event. They had dancers dressed up as she-devils, French maids, and school girls. I got a double lap dance from two bunny rabbits. It was definitely the best lap dance I've ever gotten. As Elmer Fudd would say, "Those wascally rabbits." Overall, that night at Flashdancers was one of the best nights I've ever had.

Now, let's move to the week after that. The company that I work for held a quarterly event at a Hookah bar & lounge. It was on a Wednesday, I believe, after work. Most of the employees showed up, including my crush aka Jessica Alba look-alike. We played trivia and one of the answers was me. The question was "Who likes to share his candy with everyone in the office?" Since I'm known for providing the company with candy and other snacks, the answer was obviously - Maccorley. I was flattered that they included me as a trivia question. It shows that a lot people in the company do appreciate me and love the goodies that I bring in. Anyway, there was food, drinks, and hookah being served for everyone. For those of you who don't know what Hookah is, it's a waterpipe containing filtered smoke that passes and is cooled through the water in a glass based instrument. The tobacco in the hookah is called shisha or sheesha. It comes in many different flavors - raspberry, lemon, mint. I think my table had mint. It was my first time smoking hookah and it was ggggggrrrrrreat!!!!!!!!! I would love to try it again sometime. After the trivia ended and everyone went home light-headed from the hookah and alcoholic drinks, several of the senior employees and managers entertained us with some music by DJaying. It was getting late, so many people left by the time the music and dancing started. I stayed around for awhile to dance and watch my crush dance too. Man, she has some moves! I wish I had the balls to dance with her, but I was too shy. Maybe next time..........at the company Christmas party next month.

Two days later after the company event, I spent the Friday night smoking a Newport cigarette and some Marijuana with one of my co-workers whom I'm close friends with. I don't know what I was thinking. I guess that Hookah gave me the craving for some tobacco and weed. My co-worker friend lives in Harlem and I made the journey with her all the way to her apartment. Along the way, she stopped near a corner to purchase weed from her dealer friend. Interesting stuff! When we got to her apartment, I immediately asked her where my crush slept. My crush had to crash at her apartment after the company event because it was too late to go back to New Jersey, where she lives, that night. It was good to know that my crush had a comfy bed in the living room that she slept on that night. Me and my co-worker friend spent the rest of the night watching a Survivor re-run, eating Chinese food, and talking about anything that came to our minds. Oh yeah, and as I mentioned earlier, we smoked Newports and weed. And she even showed me how to roll up Marijuana in a cigar leaf. That was probably the best show and tell presentation I've ever seen.

Me and my co-worker friend have been close since we started working together at the company. Her name is Marsha and we started on the same day - the last week of March, I think. She currently sits behind me in the sales area and gives me advice when I need it. We have a brother and sister relationship, even though I know she likes me. But she knows I have eyes on one woman only, my crush - Maureen Silva. Two weeks ago, me and Marsha went to see Pee Wee Herman on Broadway. It's been years since I watched Pee Wee Herman. So when Marsha told me that Pee Wee Herman was starring on Broadway and she was a fan just like I was, I immediately went online and bought us tickets to see the show after work. The show was on a Tuesday and was at the Stephen Sondheim theatre on 43rd street. Since the company is located on 35th street, we only walked eight blocks to the theatre. We had good seats on the side of the Orchestra, although the theatre was very cold for some reason. Overall, the show was great! All the characters from Pee-Wee's playhouse like Cowboy Curtis, King of Cartoons, Tito, Miss Yvonne, Jambi, and Chairry, the talking chair were there. Penny the claymation cartoon character was shown on a big screen during the play too. Laurence Fishburne couldn't reprise his role as Cowboy Curtis, but Phil LaMarr from Madtv did an excellent job in the role. And Paul Reubens is always fantastic as Pee Wee Herman. After the show, me and Marsha went to Shake Shack, where they sell burgers like crack. We met up with her sister and her friend, who was telling funny stories all night. The burger and strawberry shake at Shake Shack is the best I've ever tasted. I definitely have to go back there with my best friend Will.

This past week I went to a bar for a co-worker's goodbye celebration and another co-worker's birthday bash. Some of the other employees showed up. We drank some beers and talked. Then we walked to a place called JT Utah where several of the female co-workers, including Marsha, Maureen (damn she rides a bull intensely), and the co-worker who was leaving, ride a mechanical bull. A couple of the male co-workers were trying to convince me to ride the bull, but there was no way I was going to straddle a damn mechanical animal. The only things I ride are trains, cars, and women. After all the bull-riding and drinking, we all sat down and ate and listened to some Karaoke. As the night ended, we all parted ways and I gave everyone a hug, including a big hug to the fellow co-worker and writer who was leaving the company. I also gave her a hug the day after (her last day) along with samples of my funny writings.

Last night, after saying good-bye to another co-worker during the day and eating some delicious pizza and lemon chips with guacamole, I decided to go to a gypsy/hippie invitation from one of my other female co-workers. Her name is Michelle and she twirls fire. That was the main reason I went to this shindig -- to see her spin fire, and check out the good looking girls. Finding the location was a pain in the ass. The place was located near Grand Street in Brooklyn in a Warehouse. I walked around for an hour trying to find the place. When I finally found it and walked in, the place smelled like marijuana. It was also too damn cold. But I stayed for Michelle and enjoyed the gypsy songs and dances. I even ate some gypsy cupcakes and drank rum and whiskey with ginger ale. I have to admit there were several fine looking women there. Too bad they're hippies. I left after two hours because Michelle was falling asleep. I walked her to the train station to make sure she got home safe. I didn't get the chance to see her spin fire, but I told her there will be other opportunities where I will.

And that wraps up my last few weeks of drinking, dancing, and partying like I'm a Socialite. Stayed tuned for more.....................................

Happy Halloween!

2010-10-31T14:48:00.000-07:00

I wish I was a little kid again so I can go trick-or-treating and egg people's houses. Ahh, the memories! On Friday, I spent my pre-Halloween at FDs and saw She-devils, French maids, Bunny rabbits, and Naughty school girls, if you know what I mean. The next night, on a full moon, I dressed up like a werewolf and took pictures. Here is a sample:

The Wolf-Mac

A Visit To The Psychic

2010-09-12T21:26:00.000-07:00

This past Friday I decided to visit a psychic in the East Village of Manhattan. This was my first psychic experience and it turned out pretty good. Ever since I was a little boy I've always been on the fence with psychics. On one hand, I believe that there are psychics who can really look into the future and have the ability of clairvoyance. On the otherhand, I also believe that there are psychics out there who are scam artists and make people pay hundreds of bucks for cold readings. I've seen Pyshics on TV like Sylvia Browne and John Edward, I was always skeptical about their readings and predictions. So, I wanted to finally go to a psychic and see for myself how accurate this psychic would be at telling me about myself and my life. I also wanted to go to see what this psychic would say about the girl I'm in love with right now. After searching the web for psychics in NYC and reading reviews on Citysearch and Yelp.com, I decided this psychic named Shana would be the one I would visit to provide me with a psychic reading. I didn't call to set up an appointment before hand. I just went to the location after work on Friday and stood outside the building where I noticed the name "Psychic Shana" above her apartment bell downstairs. After ringing the bell a few times and no one buzzed me in, I decided to enter the building and walk up to the second floor where her apartment was. Just as I was walking upstairs to her apartment, a hot woman came out of the apartment and said "Can I help you?" That's when I said, "I'm here to see psychic Shana." She then told me to come back in fifteen minutes. I said, "Ok." So I walked around East Village for 15-20 minutes and saw everything the neighborhood had to offer - punk rockers, yuppies, homeless people, gays and lesbians, and crackheads. It was like I was on another planet. After about 20 minutes, I went back to Psychic Shana's location and rang the bell downstairs. This time she buzzed me. I walked up to her apartment and knocked on the door. The hot woman from earlier answered the door and made me sit down at a table near the entry way of the apartment. That's when I realized that the hot woman was psychic Shana. WTF! I always thought female psychics were old and fat. This psychic was middle aged and was smoking hot. Forget the reading, I wanted to have sex with her. But that's not why I was there, unfortunately. Anyway, I sat down at the table and she sat on the opposite side of it. The apartment wasn't as creepy as you would expect from a psychic. It was dimly lit with some candles in the background and the place smelled like wet paint and burning rubber. Shana asked me what kind of reading I wanted and I told her I wanted a tarot reading. She then picked up some tarot cards from the table and gave them to me. She told me to split them in half and make a wish on them. After closing my eyes and making the wish, I gave the cards back to her. This is when she proceeded to the reading and began planting each card on the table one by one while telling me adjectives about myself like how I'm honest and smart. As she was going through these lists of adjectives, I'm thinking how she's full of shit and I'm about to waste $40 on a fraud reading. But just as I was beginning to doubt her, she started coming up with general statements about my life that were accurate. She said that I had a recent death in the family, which was true. She also said that I recently started a new job, which was also true. But the part that she hit on the head was when she said that there's a girl right now that I like who also likes me. According to Psychic Shana, this girl is guarded and has been hurt before. She needs some space. Shana advised me to be patient with her and everything will fall into place once I give her time and space. She was dead accurate on this reading. There is a girl right now that I like and I do feel she likes me but has her guard up. Psychic Shana just confirmed my suspicions. I had gotten what I wanted to hear. After that, the reading was over and Shana asked me for the $40. I gave her an extra $10 because she was hot. I shook her hand and thanked her for the tarot reading. I told her I would be back for a full reading on my birthday. Maybe. I then left her place and went home satisfied. Even though some of the things Shana said was generic and vague, that last part about the girl I like was very accurate. This experience doesn't change my skepticism about psychics, but it does make me realize that they can be helpful even though they may be making things up. I'm glad I went to see Psychic Shana even though she was only 60% accurate. She helped me realize what I need to do to win the heart of the girl I'm in love with right now.

Ugh!!!!!

2010-08-15T21:06:00.001-07:00

I'm very tired right now, so this post is going to be short and sweet so I can go to bed and sleep. I just finished watching the Comedy Central Roast of David Hasselhoff. It was hilarious! David Hasselhoff was a good sport for taking all those insults directed towards him and his career. The usual roasters like Jeffrey Ross, Greg Giraldo, and Lisa Lampanelli delivered great performances and insult jokes, but the MVP of the night was Whitney Cummings. I've seen her before on the shortly lived TV show The Tony Rock Project but I never knew how brutally funny she was. She killed tonight. I was nearly in tears after she made a joke that Pamela Anderson should drink Magic Johnson's blood to end her career once and for all. Too funny!!!
This past week was slow and boring. My finger has been numb and tingly all week. I went to the doctor on Tuesday and he referred me to a Neurologist whom I will see this upcoming week. I'm hoping it's just Ulnar nerve entrapment, not Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. On Friday, I didn't see Mrs. Beautiful. I missed her a lot. Hopefully I'll see her on Monday. I think and dream about her more than ever now. I can officially say that I am in love with this girl and I want to marry her. All I need is some one on one time with her so we can get to know each other a little better. Last Last Friday, we went to the Imax theater in Times Square after work to see Inception. Unfortunately, there were other co-workers there with us, so I couldn't put any moves on her. I didn't even get the chance to sit next to her in the movie theater. Ugghhh!!! But at least she shared her chocolate rasins with me. That was sweet of her. One of these days I'm going to win her heart just like she's won mine!
I'm going to sleep now. Gotta wake up early for work tomorrow. Later.

Ms. Silva, You're Beautiful!

2010-06-26T17:25:00.000-07:00

Beautiful like your native Portugal
You're the most beautiful woman I've ever met. The highlight of my day is seeing you and hearing your voice. By the way, you look better than Jessica Alba. Wink, Wink.

Jessica Alba has a look-alike. Her name is Maureen.

People Over There What's Up?

2010-06-26T16:25:00.000-07:00

WWE wrestler R-Truth
Last Saturday, me and my friend Will went to Madison Square Garden to see the WWE SuperShow featuring WWE superstars from both Raw and SmackDown. It was Will's first live wrestling event and my second. Just before we went to the WWE show, we decided to go to Rick's Cabaret since the strip club is a few blocks from the Garden. I have to admit that this trip to Rick's was a major disappointment. The club was dead (maybe because we showed up in the daytime) with only a few strippers giving lap dances. Will got lap dances from two girls, one of them gave him a lecture on the no touching policy the club enforces. When she was giving him this lecture, I kept saying in my mind, "Shut up bitch and just dance." I only got two lap dances from this one stripper, who wouldn't keep quite about dating Caribbean guys. I really didn't care because I was drunk and all I wanted was a damn lap dance, not a conversation about former partners. That lap dance didn't do anything for me. I didn't get aroused at all. I got more aroused from seeing the WWE divas from 100 feet away in the stands than I did from receiving that one lap dance at Rick's Cabaret. I left the club with Will drunk and disappointed.

As we rushed to the Garden to see the SuperShow, I was kind of dizzy and light headed. That Long Island Ice Tea and Heineken I drank at Rick's had a strong effect on me. I was able to sober up after drinking some Sprite soda and ice cream that Will bought. He paid for the food since I paid for the tickets. We sat in fair seats high up from the action. Everything in the show was clear and we could see which wrestlers came in and out of the ring. My favorite wrestler R-Truth energized the crowd with his intro, rapping into the mic and getting the MSG audience involved by saying, "What's Up?" The best moment of the night for Will was when the WWE divas showed up. Their match was boring, but it's always exciting to see Maryse or the Bella Twins in the building. Me and Will saw the Bella Twins after the show behind the Garden. They were led by security to their limos. Overall, this WWE show was a good show. It wasn't as exciting as the Raw event I went to late last year, but it was good to see wrestlers I hadn't seen before in person like R-Truth and Maryse. Oh Maryse!

After the show and wasting our time waiting for wrestlers to exit behind the Garden, Will went straight home and I went straight to my favorite strip club - FlashDancers. Rick's was so disappointing, I had to go to FD's to remember how a real lap dance feels like. And boy, those lap dances were as WWE wrestler Miz would say, "AWESOME!" One of the strippers looked like Leelee Sobieski. She was grinding on and staring at me with her sexy stripper eyes. Her skin was soft and young. I wanted to bang the crap out of her. She and the other strippers made me realize that there's no better strip club in NYC than FlashDancers. I hope to go back in October. Hopefully it won't be as crowded as it was last Saturday.

Tired Man Walking

2010-05-23T14:04:00.000-07:00

I'm back! My busy work schedule has prevented me from writing on this blog and in my notebooks of thoughts. I work nine hours a day and when I arrive home from work, I go straight to bed because I'm so drained and exhausted. This past week I've felt like a dead man walking. I've been so tired, I haven't had a chance to organize some things in my life - like my room and my underwear. That is why I'm always thrilled when the weekend arrives so I can catch up on some things I haven't been able to focus on during the work week.
Last weekend, I was invited to a farewell dinner for one of my old friends from college. I hadn't seen her in almost two years. Since then she's gotten married and is expecting a baby. She and her husband are planning to move to Japan to do who knows what. It was nice to see her after all these years and we discussed some things that we've never talked about before. I wished her good luck after the dinner and told her to save me a room if I ever come to visit in Japan. I'm happy that she's starting a family and moving on to the next chapter in her life.
As time goes by, I'm starting to think more and more about settling down with the right person myself and maybe moving to another city to start a family. The problem is I haven't found the right woman yet. There are two women that are on my mind right now. One of them, if you've read my recent blog entries, is the woman I've been thinking about since Last November. The other woman is a fellow colleague who I'm starting to notice after getting to know her better while hanging out after work. She's beautiful and I could picture myself in a relationship with her, but I have to remain professional and not pursue her............for now. Hopefully we can become close friends and something may happen in future between us.
Right about now I'm getting tired just writing this. I think I'm going to head back to bed to lay down and watch some TV. The Lost series finale is tonight and I can't miss that. Later.

Busy as a Bee

2010-04-11T13:22:00.001-07:00

The last couple of weeks I've been working at a security products company that specializes in surveillance systems, GPS trackers, and hidden cameras. Unlike my past few jobs, this position I'm in right now doesn't require me to cold-call strangers and make outbound sales calls to customers. Instead, I receive inbound calls from customers (especially from husbands and wives looking to purchase devices to spy on their partners) and take their orders, answer their questions about any security product on the website, and answer inquiries via e-mail. This position can be slow and dull at times, but it's much better than any other position I've had at other sales jobs. To me, it's more customer service than sales. And the job pays a fair amount of money. That's a plus because I need money to support my career in writing and comedy.
The company is located in Midtown Manhattan and is near many of my favorite clubs and hangout spots in Manhattan. So If I ever want to stop by Rick's Cabaret for example, I can just walk there. The work schedule is M-F 9am-6pm, although there will be times when I will have to work from 11am-8pm for a week. This work schedule has kept me very busy and I've had very little time to write and work on some other stuff. But if there's a will, there's a way. I'm going to make more time for myself by writing on my lunch breaks, doing Open Mics at least once a week after work, and timer recording my favorite TV shows that I miss. I'm not going to quit this job just because it's interfering with my personal schedule. I like the company and the people who work there. The managers and supervisors are very cool people. They took myself and another new employee out to lunch for sushi two weeks ago. It was my first time eating sushi and I must admit it wasn't that bad. I think I'm a fan of raw fish now. Anyway, just this past week, the marketing team arranged a field trip for the company. All employees left work early together and headed over to this bar and billiards place called Slate. We played pool, ping pong, and Foosball. Everyone also ate and got to know some of the employees working at the company. It was fun, and that experience makes me want to stay with this company for a long, long time. But then again, I'm going to apply for the NBC entertainment associate position later this year. If I get that position, I just may have to leave this current job. There's no way I'll pass up the opportunity to be in the entertainment industry. We shall wait and see.
By the way, the girls in NYC are looking hot, hot, hot. It's Springtime and the weather is getting warmer. Girls are walking around in tank tops and short skirts or short shorts. Big boobies, apple bottoms, sexy legs, and well decorated feet are everywhere I go in the streets of New York City. I love it!

March Madness!

2010-03-25T22:23:00.000-07:00

March Madness is in full effect. While most guys were at home or at a bar watching the NCAA tournament on Saturday, I was at strip club, where I watched my own March Madness. The real March Madness includes buzzer beaters and overtime games. My March Madness included big boobs and overtime lap dances. It was a Saturday to remember. The day started out with me and my perverted friend meeting up and going to the Sex Museum. We had a great time there the last time we went. This time was even better. They renovated the whole museum. As soon as we came in, we had to walk through the museum store to get to the ticket admissions desk to purchase our tickets. Once we were inside the museum, we saw Exhibits on condoms, fetishists, sex toys, and porn films. We even saw some hot female visitors there. I kept staring at this hot brunette with brown boots throughout my journey around the museum. She kept reappearing at almost every exhibit I was near. I wanted to say something to her, but I felt very awkward with all these other perverts around. Anyway, after almost two hours of touring the museum, me and my friend decided to leave and head over to Rick's Cabaret, which was just several blocks away and allows free entry before 7 pm.

Rick's Cabaret is supposedly the biggest strip club (in size) in NYC. Me and my friend decided to betray our favorite strip club, Flashdancers, for this one time and see what Rick's Cabaret is all about. The time we spent at Rick's was fun, relaxing, and worthwhile. Compared to Flashdancers, the strippers and the lap dances aren't anything to brag about. But I must say, the exotic dancers didn't hassle me for lap dances and I had the chance to have a lengthy conversation with some of the girls. The club wasn't crowded, probably because we arrived early. And it's a nice big place to sit back and watch TV or the girls dancing around the pole on one of the three stages. The hottest girl there was this fine Hispanic chick who gave me a lap dance just before I left. She was also one of the girls who gave my friend a double lap dance. The craziest girl there was this blonde chick who was really into my penis. I got a few lap dances from her, and she was touching my penis through my pants like it was a Genie in a bottle; trying to make it come out. She kind of looked like an exotic Avril Lavigne. If I had more money, I would've took her offer to go to the VIP room. Maybe next time. The nicest girl there was this black stripper who I recognized from Flashdancers. I guess she left FD because they were treating her bad. She seems like a shy, intelligent girl. I appreciated the fact that she spent some time at our table talking to us. Also, there was this other stripper who looked like R&B singer Mya. She was the sweetest (no pun intended) dancer there. She told me I had a nice smile. I wanted to tell her she had nice tits. But I didn't. Overall, I had a good experience at Rick's Cabaret. I think I'll go back there very soon. But not before I go back to Flashdancers.

After Rick's, me and my horny friend were really hungry after seeing all those breasts and buttocks. We wanted to get our mouths and hands on some meat. And what better place for eating and looking at meat than Hooters. Hooters has been around forever. I've always wanted to go there ever since I was in Kindergarten. Twenty years later, I finally got my chance. As soon as we stepped into Hooters, there were young hot waitresses in white tank tops and short orange runner shorts everywhere. For a minute there, I thought I was back at Rick's Cabaret. It was until I saw all the chicken wings, that's when I realized I was in the legendary Hooters restaurant. The waitress for our table, her name was Becca, was very pretty. She told us she's from Philadelphia and roots for the Phillies. She seemed so energetic, vibrant, and into me. I caught her a couple of times eyeing me from a distance and then looking her away. I was more into her than the spicy boneless chicken I ordered. My friend kept talking about this other Hooters girl who was running around the place. Every time she ran down the stairs, her hair blew in the hair like Wonder Woman. Amazing! I wish I could've got Becca's number before I left, but my upset stomach from that spicy chicken and House margarita prevented me from doing so. All I could do was wave goodbye to her and hurry home to take a dump. It was definitely a Saturday to remember. Me and my friend proved once again that we are perverts for life, at least I am. Until next time....................................................

To all the ladies.....

2010-02-13T13:30:00.000-08:00

Happy Valentine's Day! All you women out there are special. You should be showered with flowers, gifts, and kisses on this special day. You deserve it. And for that special lady who's been on my mind for the last few months, I wish you a Happy Valentine's and much love.

Down, but not Out

2010-01-29T23:05:00.000-08:00

I've been feeling really depressed lately. The only fun I've had was attending a banquet at an Italian restaurant last Saturday with my friend. There was this beautiful server there who kept eyeing me. I was going to tell her she's beautiful, but I never got the chance. Instead, I left a note under my plate on the table before I left. I don't even know if she found it. And I think she might be married because she had a ring on her finger. That night was great, but I've been feeling down since then. At this point in my life, I feel confused. I'm still trying to find myself and figure out my purpose in this world. Here's a poem that I wrote that sums up my feelings right now:

Lost Soul

Feeling empty inside,
with no one to turn to.
Trying to figure out my place in this world.
Confused, Depressed, Exhausted.
Unable to think or focus on anything important.
Just want to remain in solitude,
with silence and darkness.
No light in sight,
No spirit to fight
the feeling of a soul screaming
for help, help, Help!
Happiness is overrated,
Love is simply hated.
No concern for anyone,
Not even for that only one.
Want it all to end.
To never endure this pain again.
Lost hope,
Lost whole,
Lost soul.

My 2010 New Year's Resolutions

2010-01-01T21:00:00.000-08:00

2010 is finally here! I'm looking forward to this new year and determined to accomplish all the goals I'm setting. Here are my New Year's resolutions for 2010:

1. Write, write, and write. Continue writing jokes, articles, blog posts, scripts, poems, and more.
2. Perform Stand-up on a regular basis.
3. Get back to my first love - drawing.
4. Party, play video games, and have fun while I'm still young.
5. Show the ladies who's their daddy.
6. Stay fit and healthy by eating right and exercising regularly.
7. Apply for NBC entertainment associate position.
8. Keep in contact with friends and family.
9. Buy cameras - video and photo.
10. Save a lot of money in my bank account.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!

'Tis the season not to be jolly

2009-12-27T22:04:00.000-08:00

I'm certainly not in a cheerful mood after what happened today. My Holiday weekend started off good, but ended very bad. On Christmas Day, which was Friday, I opened the Christmas gifts I bought for myself. They included a few dvds and a book. I then spent most of the day in bed watching Christmas movies - A Christmas Story and It's A Wonderful Life. And I enjoyed eating some outstanding food cooked by my dad. To top it off, I drank a glass of wine that had my head spinning until the next day. Christmas Day turned out to be a great day! The next day, Saturday, I didn't do very much. I had plans to meet up with my best friend but Mother Nature screwed me over again. The weather was horrible outside so I had to stay indoors and watch TV and surf the internet. So boring! The next day, which was today, I spent part of the day watching football. I watched in disgust as my New York Giants got blown out by the Carolina Panthers in their final home game at Giants Stadium. Then I watched the Jet game while hosting an internet sports radio show with my friend. Unlike the Giants, the Jets played with heart and they stopped the Indianapolis Colts from going undefeated this season. The Jets now look like they're going to the playoffs. Congratulations to them!

Today I planned to finally call the girl of my dreams on the phone. She's the girl that I met at the Junior high school reunion. Over the past few weeks, I've sent her some flirty text messages which I thought would flatter her and even get her to think about me. She replied to some of the texts but I just couldn't tell if she liked me or not. I really liked her. I've been having dreams about her and I just couldn't get her out of my mind. So, with all the confidence in the world, I decided to call her tonight to ask her out. It was nerve-racking but I finally dialed her number. When she picked up the phone she sounded pissed off. After I told her it was Maccorley she hung up on me. I couldn't believe it. I spent weeks trying to seduce this girl and she hangs up on me angrily. I waited a few minutes and started writing a text to her to apologize for whatever I said that may have caused her to hang up on me. Then out of the blue, she calls me back and I accidentally hang up on her. I called her back and this time she sounded calm and in a better mood to talk. She then informed me that she has a boyfriend and he is upset over my text messages. WTF? All this time this girl was leading me on. She could've told me she had a boyfriend. I would've never sent her those texts if I knew she had a boyfriend. I even told her this. I then apologized to her and told her I would stop sending her text messages. We then agreed that we would just remain friends. Then I said goodnight to her and hung up. My heart felt like it had been run over by a tow truck when I finished talking to her. The past few weeks I couldn't even focus on my work without thinking about her. I kept visualizing that someday I would be her boyfriend, but that's impossible now because she already has one. I don't understand women at all. Why lead a guy on if you're already dating someone or not interested in that guy? Why? I'm mad at all women right now. I'm very depressed after hearing this bad news. I feel empty inside and it's going to take awhile to regain my soul. Happy holidays to everyone but me!

Thankful for last week

2009-11-23T20:42:00.000-08:00

Last week was one of the greatest weeks I've ever had. It all started on Monday when I went to my first professional wrestling event. I've been a wrestling fan for over fifteen years but I had never seen a wrestling match or event in person. Last Monday I got the chance to attend WWE Monday Night Raw at Madison Square Garden with my younger brother, who's also a wrestling fan. When we got there the building was packed with wrestling fans. The line extended outside of the building. It was like fans were waiting to see a rock concert. After about 45 mintues or so, me and my brother were finally released from that long line after we got our tickets scanned. We proceeded upstairs to the food court to buy some snacks. We both bought some popcorn, hot dogs, and a soda. Then we rushed to our seats because we could hear the show starting, even though it was only 8:45pm and the show was supposed to start at 9pm. But when we got to our seats we realized that they were taping another show (Smackdown!), and Raw was indeed going to start at 9pm. We sat there for the next two hours watching our favorite wrestling superstars like Triple H, Shawn Michaels, and John Cena battle each other in the ring. It was surreal! The crowd was really into it and were cheering like it was a New Year's Eve celebration. It was an exciting show, but the one bad part for me was this annoying little kid sitting next to me. This little kid wouldn't shut up and kept talking to me like I was one of his little buddies. I ignored him and just ate my popcorn. After the show, me and my brother went to the back of the building of MSG. We saw a crowd standing near the media/employee exit where the wrestlers were going to come out. We decided to stand in the crowd also and wait to see which wrestlers would come out to their limos. We saw Cody Rhodes, Kofi Kingston, MVP, Bella Twins, and John Cena come out. Most of them were nice enough to stop and sign some autographs for the fans waiting in the cold. We went home after we saw John Cena, who didn't sign any autographs and rushed to his limo. His catch phrase is: You can't see me! Well, we couldn't see him because he ran to his limo. I enjoyed WWE Raw and it was a special moment for me and my brother.
Friday night was another special night for me. I received an invitation on Facebook to attend a junior high school reunion. At first, I didn't know if I was going to go to the reunion because I didn't feel like meeting people who I haven't seen in over a decade. But I decided the day before to attend because I had fun in junior high school. And there were many people that I did want to see after all these years. So, I left my house at about 10:15pm to go to the reunion which started at 11pm. I had to take two trains to the location. When I walked out of the train station I was just a few blocks away from the bar/lounge where the reunion was being held. I was so nervous, it felt like my heart was going to burst out of my chest. I had to walk around the block for a while to calm myself down. I finally decided to head over to the bar/lounge even though I still had butterflies in my stomach. When I got there, there were three people waiting outside. One of them I recognized right away. He was one of my close friends in junior high and a friend on my facebook and myspace profiles. He introduced me to his girlfriend who also went to our junior high school, but I only recognized her from facebook. There was this other guy who's face I remember but I didn't know his name. I greeted him anyway. He was nice enough to buy me a drink when we went inside. After getting our coats checked and wrists banded, we went to the basement where the reunion was. I thought the reunion was going to be a private area where all of us would reflect and reminisce about the good ol' junior high days, but this wasn't the case. We were sharing space with many other people who came to dance and party. I was a little disappointed by this at first, but it really didn't matter to me after I saw some good looking girls there. As the night went on, I saw many friends, classmates, and nameless people who went to our junior high. Some remembered me and some didn't. The person who organized this reunion and a close friend of mine, finally showed up an hour late. I didn't know where the hell she was and I didn't care because I was getting drunk. I drank just two glasses of vodka and cranberry, but I felt like I was going to faint. I was dizzy and out of it. I had to stand in the corner for over a half-an-hour to get myself together. When I regained my balance, I saw this beautiful girl who I didn't recognize at first. But then I looked closely and I remembered her from my seventh grade class. She looked totally different now than she did thirteen years ago. She looked like a model now. I said "hi" to her and told her my name so she could remember me being one of her clasmates. Surprisingly she did remember me. Yes!!! After sobering up, I danced with her a bit and she put some moves on me that should only be allowed in the bedroom. Her hotness and sexy dancing was hypnotizing me. I was falling in love with her on the dance floor. She and I exchanged phone numbers and I texted her a couple of times when she was in the bathroom. I just wanted to be near her. She was so damn hot! I thought maybe she was interested in me, but when we left the reunion and went to a pizzeria close by with a couple of former schoolmates - she wouldn't even make eye contact with me. That's just my luck. Later, me, her, and another female schoolmate drove home in the same car. The schoolmate was driving........drunk. I put on my seat belt just in case these girls got in a car accident. On the way home they were talking loudly in car. I was too tired and lightheaded to talk, so I pretended like I was sleeping. I didn't have the chance to say goodbye to the hot classmate, but I could always call her since I had her number. Then the drunk schoolmate dropped me off at my house and I kissed her goodnight, or should I say good morning. I got home at 4:30 in the morning and woke up later at 9:30 in the morning. My ears were ringing and clogged up from the loud music at the reunion. It took my ears several days to recover. Next time I'm wearing ear plugs to the club. It took me two days to send the hot classmate a text message. I told her it was nice to see her and I hope she stays in touch. I still haven't received a reply from her. Oh well! At least I got to see her and everyone else who attended my junior high after all these years.
On Saturday, I hosted the second episode of my internet radio show/podcast. It was a good show. I recounted my experience at Raw and the reunion. I also talked about Scientology and celebrity news. The show will continue to get better as I come up with some new bits. In the meantime, I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving on Thursday and taking a bite of that turkey. I hope everyone has a Happy Thanksgiving! I will never forget the best week ever!

Blog Talk Radio Show

2009-11-13T23:32:00.000-08:00

I will now be hosting an internet radio show/podcast based on this blog every Saturday night at 11pm. The show will be called I'm Mac, just like this blog, and will feature comedy, social commentary, and my rants on anything that I find annoying in the world or in my life. The show will be one hour and I will have my best friend Will playing the role as sidekick. I'm very excited about this show. I haven't done a radio show since college, so I'm going to be a little rusty. But I have some great ideas that will make the show fun and entertaining. So, listen to the show this Saturday night and call in if you like. The call-in number is on my show page at - http://www.blogtalkradio.com/maccorley
I'm looking forward to Saturday night. Later.

Birthday Weekend

2009-10-05T23:06:00.000-07:00

I had a great weekend! It was my birthday weekend and I celebrated it with my best friend who I've known since college. On Friday, I turned 26. It's hard to believe that I'm 26 years old especially since I look like I'm 16. I couldn't wait to open the presents that I got myself. One of the presents was an old Adam Sandler comedy CD entitled - Adam Sandler: They're All Gonna Laugh at You! Another present was a Jeffrey Ross book – Jeffrey Ross: I Only Roast the Ones I Love. I haven't read the Jeffrey Ross book yet, but I listened to the Adam Sandler CD and it was as funny as his movies. Later, I ate some delicious ice creak cake that I bought from Baskin-Robbins. Baskin-Robbins makes the best ice cream cakes hands down! I spent my Friday night watching TV. It wasn't an exciting birthday, but the best is yet to come. On Saturday, me and my friend decided to spend the whole day in Times Square. First, we went to Madame Tussaud's wax museum where we saw wax figures from Oprah to Fidel Castro. The figures were surreal. I wanted to take the Paris Hilton wax figure home with me and make a home video. If you know what I mean. There was a horror exhibit that we passed through where real people would come out of the dark and scare the visitors. I wasn't really scared, although I was holding on to my friend for safety and comfort. Just kidding! We also saw a 4-D show with SpongeBob SquarePants. I'm not a fan of SpongeBob, but the show was fun. I regret all the negative things I've said about SpongeBob in the past. Not! After touring the whole museum, me and my friend went to eat at Virgil's BBQ on 44th street. The restaurant looked like a restaurant from the 50's. And the vibe there felt like I was in the South. The food was delicious. I ate some fried shrimp, two grilled hotdogs and French fries. My friend ordered some riblets but he didn't eat them all because he was rushing to go the strip club, where we were headed to next. After the meal, we headed over to our favorite strip club – Flashdancers. We tried to rush over there before 8pm to avoid paying the $20 cover fee, but we arrived five minutes late. Oh well! As usual, there were pretty girls at Flashdancers. There was this short blonde German chick that I wanted to marry. She gave me the best lap dance of the night. Or should I say, the best lap dances of the night. I spent a lot of money on lap dances, but I didn't care because it was my birthday weekend. My friend had me give him back $40 which he owed me. He took that $40 back and got a couple more lap dances. Perverted bastard! We stayed there for over two hours and left after 10pm to go home. I got home just in time for SNL and I ate some leftover ice cream cake from the day before. I went to sleep that night feeling like I was King of the Hill. On Sunday, I spent most of the day in bed watching sports. I was too exhausted from the day before to even try to get up to do anything. I watched some football, basketball, and baseball. Later that night, I watched The Eye featuring Jessica Alba and my one of my favorite shows - Californication on Showtime. Overall, this past weekend was the best weekend I ever had. There's nothing better than cake, bbq, celebrities, topless women, football, and sleep on a weekend. Especially on your birthday weekend.

What is Art? Is Art art?

2009-09-22T12:54:00.000-07:00

I think I created this logo in high school.
I often asked myself this question as a little kid. I didn't know what art was or why I was talented at it. I just loved it and drew cartoons like crazy. I loved to draw when I was little. I would spend hours creating my own cartoon characters after I finished watching weekday afternoon cartoons. Several weeks ago, it was announced that Disney purchased Marvel Comics. Disney and Marvel were a major influence on me back then. Their animation series and cartoon characters inspired me to create and draw cartoons. I recently went into my closet and looked through my old drawing books. I was amazed at how great of an artist I was. I stopped drawing after high school, but I am going to start drawing again very soon. In the meantime, I would like to share some of my drawings from my childhood with you guys. Here they are:

Click on the images to view them in their actual size

My Summer Vacation

2009-08-03T16:28:00.000-07:00

I'm on a Summer vacation right now. I'm currently unemployed, again. I left the appointment setter job at the water company in late June because of low pay and boredom. Then right after that, I went to work for another water company doing the same job but for $2 more an hour. That job was as boring as the last one. I was let go my second week there after not setting enough appointments. Since then I've been at home watching TV and reading and writing. I've read books like The 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene for inspiration and to boost my self-esteem. I've written a couple of sketches for the sketch group I'm still involved with. The last couple of weeks I haven't been writing or reading that much because I've been experiencing some fatigue and tiredness. I suspect my iron levels are low or I'm suffering from lack of water intake. So I've started exercising and I'm drinking at least 5 glasses of water a day to combat whatever it is that's making me tired and sleepy. So far it's been working. My energy levels are back up, but I do feel a little sleepy at times during the day. I'm going to buy an iron supplement just in case my iron levels are low. I plan on writing more after today. I have a lot of ideas floating in my head right now. I just need to write them down on paper. This vacation has been good so far. It's allowed me to catch some sleep that I missed when I was working. I haven't been outdoors that much. It's too hot and humid. I'd rather sit in my house by the air conditioner reading a book or watching ESPN. Another good thing about this Summer is my Yankees are in first place. Hopefully we can fight off the Red Sox for the AL East title and go far in the playoffs. I plan on going to a Yankee game in September and seeing the new stadium. Meanwhile, I'll be at home watching and resting in my bed. Enjoy the Summer!

By the way, if you haven't seen this video yet, then you need to watch it. It's a funny wedding entrance video that's becoming one of the most popular videos on Youtube. Watch it below. It'll make you laugh and smile.

JK Wedding Entrance Video

Dear Diary,

2009-06-13T21:12:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I was last on here. I've been too busy working, reading, and writing articles for Starpulse.com. You can read all of my Starpulse articles by clicking here. I've been very tired lately. Haven't been getting 8 hours a sleep every night. Maybe 4 or 5 hours. This is because I've been looking for other jobs at night on Craigslist and entertainment websites. I am not happy with my current job because I'm getting paid an hourly wage close to minimum wage. And it feels like I'm cold calling the same companies everyday. So I've decided that this will be my last month working there and I am looking at some other jobs in sales or customer service. I have been also looking at some comedy writing jobs. Last month I applied for a writer/research assistant position on the Jimmy Fallon Show. Unfortunately, I was notified by e-mail that the position had been filled. I was never even called in to be interviewed. Son of a bitches! I'm optimistic that I'll find a comedy writing position in the entertainment industry in the future. But for now, I'm a damn telemarketer. I hate that word telemarketer. It makes me want to vomit in my mouth. I prefer Inside Sales Representative or Account executive.
The only exciting thing that has been going on in my life is sex. In the past few months I've engaged in sexual activity with strippers and escorts. I've had a great time with these ladies. They've made me happy after a long day of work and they've satisfied my big friend in my pants. I'd like to salute those strippers and escorts that I've seen in the last few months and congratulate them for making men all over New York City climax. Thank you sex workers. I think I'm going to go to bed now and watch some TV. I'll be back on here maybe in the next week or so. Goodnight!

About Last Saturday

2009-03-28T21:32:00.000-07:00

Today is the last Saturday of March. I spent most of the day shopping and sleeping. I bought a new book bag, business casual shirts and pants, and dress shoes. I also bought a couple of caps. I wanted to buy a Yankee cap, but all the store had was those flat caps that I'm not a big fan of. I don't want to wear a cap that's twice the size of my head. Anyway, I returned home after shopping. I ate some Chinese food and then took a nap. I woke up later and watched the NCAA final four tournament on CBS. Then I spoke with my best friend on the phone for a few hours. Me and him had a great time last Saturday. We went to our first strip club. It was everything we expected plus more. The day started off with me and him meeting up in Flatbush Brooklyn and hopping on the 2 train to Times Square in Manhattan. We went to Dave & Busters and played some games and then ate a full meal. When we were finished, we walked several blocks to the #1 Gentlemens club in NYC - FlashDancers. FlashDancers has been around forever. I remember seeing ads for the strip club in dirty magazines when I was in elementary school. I decided a week before to go to FlashDancers because it's a legendary strip club and there are so many positive reviews on it. So, I had to go there to see if FlashDancers was really the best. And it certainly was. As soon as me and my friend stepped into the club, there were breasts everywhere. It was like a breast heaven. After hanging up our coats, me and my friend were led to a good seat by a fine blonde Russian waitress. She took our orders for drinks and I took out my wallet to count how much money I was going to spend that night. I knew it was going to be a lot, but I didn't think all of it would disappear by the end of the night. After the waitress brought our drinks, we watched the stage show for a little while. The strippers were hot! I couldn't believe my eyes. This was like Fantasy Island. I wanted to bang all of those girls on stage. There were girls passing by our table who were even hotter than the ones on stage. That's when this stripper came up to our table and asked us if we wanted a lap dance. I pointed to my friend and he got the first lap dance. He was gone for what seemed like an hour. I would get my first lap dance a while later from this young hot blonde. I got three lap dances from her. Then I got three more from this black girl with big tits and a big ass. She felt heavy when she sat on me. I think she crushed my penis. She gave me an okay lap dance, but the best of the night was a double lap dance from these two brunettes. At first, I got three lap dances from this short brunette who I think was Hispanic. She was sexy, and a little crazy. She was dancing to the music and talking dirty in my ear. She definitely turned me on. After that, she went to get her friend who was a tall brunette with "awesome boobage." Both of them proceeded to molest me and dry hump me like a pillow. By the end of that double lap dance, I owed both of them a combined $140. I started counted my money and I realized I was $10 short. I was panicking. I didn't want to spend the rest of the night washing dishes to pay that $10. So I went to my friend and asked him for ten bucks. He handed it to me and I gave it to the tall brunette. At that point, I was out of money and wanted to go home. There were too many strippers soliciting us for lap dances. Later I found out that a stripper solicited my friend for 6 lap dances which costs $120. There was one point during the night when he came up to me asking to borrow $20. You have to bring a lot of money when you go to these strip clubs. They're expensive. When we left the club and headed to the train station, we noticed that we still had the scent of the strippers on our clothes. It seemed like most of the strippers were wearing the same perfume or lotion. The scent was still on my clothes two days later. Since going to FlashDancers, me and my friend have talked a lot about the experience. We had a great time. There were fine girls there, although I think a couple of them were dudes. The only bad part is: there were too many strippers begging for lap dances. I know they're desperate to make money, but they don't have to be greedy. I have to make a living too. Don't take all my money! Overall, I would give FlashDancers a 9.0. It's a great club and it certainly lived up to its reputation. I plan on going back there next month. Next time I won't spend all of my money.

So So Sunday

2009-03-15T22:18:00.000-07:00

I woke up around noon today and turned on the TV to watch Rock of Love with Bret Michaels. I love watching these sleazy, trashy, reality shows. They're all about sex, money, and trash-talking. Those things are what keep me tuned in every week. Without those things, there wouldn't be anything interesting to watch on TV. One of my favorite reality shows is the Bad Girls Club. The show puts six so called "bad" girls in a house together. All the girls do is bang guys, fight, and gossip. Can you ask for anything better than that. It's a great show. This has been the best season of the Bad Girls Club yet. I can't wait for Tuesday night. Anyway, I spent most of the day reading the last chapters of the Bret Hart book – Bret Hart: My Real Life in the Cartoon World of Wrestling. It's an intriguing book. It gives you insight on the professional wrestling world and the dark reality that surrounds it. What I found most interesting about the book was how open and brutally honest it is. Bret Hart reveals things in this book that you couldn't even imagine. He gives extensive details about his family, marriage, wrestling career, and professional wrestling in general. Bret Hart: My Real Life in the Cartoon World of Wrestling is a must read. After finishing reading the book, I used the internet for a while and updated my Myspace profile. A lot of people have abandoned Myspace for Facebook, but I continue to use my Myspace profile while at the same time having a Facebook profile. I love both of them. Later on I cut my hair. I need to shave tomorrow morning because my face is starting to look like it has pubic hair stuck on it. I need to get up real early tomorrow to shave so I can have time to eat, shower, and dress for work. I've been working at a Water purification company called Watermatic for the last couple of months. My job there is to cold call and set up appointments for the sales representatives. I've made some decent money since I started, but I plan on looking for a better job in the upcoming months.

Yes I can!

2009-02-08T14:07:00.000-08:00

A lot has happened since my last post. I've been working at this Water purification company the last few weeks. My job there is to cold call and set up appointments for the sales team. The pay isn't great, but right now in this bad economy any money that I get is good money. The job is a few blocks away from my last job. I work eight hours a day, as opposed to working almost ten hours a day at my last job. The office is the size of a theater and has three rooms with three different companies working there. There are good looking girls all over the office. This is why I don't mind working there right now. The office has good coffee and good looking girls. Also, the whole office gets free lunch on Fridays. The food doesn't taste that great, but I'll take it. It saves me some money. There are some cool people who work at my company, but there are also some weird people who work there also. I'll talk more about that another time. Yesterday I went to a Tax preparation service and filed an Income Tax return. This was my first time filing taxes. I went with my dad since he knew the place and filed his tax return there. I thought I would just go in, file, and then leave. Instead we were there for hours. There were other people there sitting and waiting. It was like a doctor's office. It was exhausting!. Next year I'm going to file online.
Right now, I am determined to fulfill all of my New Year's resolutions. I am trying my best to write every day and pursue my career in writing and comedy. I have been a contributing writer for the entertainment website Starpulse.com for a month now. I will continue to write great articles for them and hopefully get recognition for my work. With that said, I will work harder this year and write more posts for this blog. See you next time.

New Year's Resolutions for 2009

2009-01-10T22:00:00.000-08:00

Here are my new year's resolutions for 2009. Unlike last year, I'm going to really try to fulfill these resolutions this year.

1. Continue writing and become a great creative writer.
2. Expand my knowledge and learn new things.
3. Do stand-up comedy more often.
4. Prioritize and Organize more.
5. Be more sociable.
6. Party more.
7. Attract and flirt with more women.
8. Find a way to be on radio or television.
9. Exercise on a regular basis and take my vitamins.
10. Find a stable job.

My favorite Christmas films

2008-12-06T23:42:00.001-08:00

1. A Christmas Story
This is my favorite Christmas film of all time. The kid (Ralphie) in this movie is crazy. I think he has ADHD. All he wants for Christmas is a shotgun. His parents actually buy him one and he almost shoots his eye out. Hilarious!
2. It's A Wonderful Life
This film is always shown on television on Christmas. A classic film that never gets old no matter how many times you've seen it. The actress that plays John Stewart's wife is hot. It definitely is a wonderful life when you have a hot wife like that.
3. It Nearly Wasn't Christmas
I first saw this film when I was in elementary school. I remember watching it late at night on ABC on a Saturday. The theme of the film is Santa Claus loses his faith in Christmas and a little girl and a elf help Santa regain that faith. There's a scene in the movie where Santa gets mugged. What a brilliant idea.
4. The Kid Who Loved Christmas
This film touched my heart. The film is about a young boy who is taken away from his adopted father after his adopted mother is killed. All the boy wants for Christmas is to be reunited with his dad. A great family film.
5. A Very Brady Christmas
I couldn't wait to see this film. The Brady's reunited and all grown up. The mom, dad, Alice, Greg, Marcia, Peter, Jan, Bobby, and Cindy. Cindy? The actress who played Cindy on the original Brady Bunch didn't even show up for this film. She was replaced by a hot actress from Charles in Charge. No, I'm not talking about Nicole Eggert.
6. Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer
When I first saw this film I thought Rudolph was one of Santa Claus's main reindeers. But I realized he was just an outcast when I didn't see him in the other Santa Claus films. Later I found out Rudolph was captured and eaten by poachers.
7. Frosty the Snowman
A snowman that comes to life. How magical!(I'm being sarcastic) One time I took a pile of snow and brought it back to my house. I tried to make a snowman because I thought it would come to life. But all it did was melt and flood my house with water.
8. The Santa Clause
This is probably the funniest Santa Claus film I've seen. Oh wait, I take that back. Bad Santa was funnier. But this film is still a must see. Tim the "Tool Time" Allen does a great job as a substitute Santa Claus.
9. Home Alone
I love this film not because Macaulay Culkin's name sounds like mine, but because of the moral of the story – never leave your kids home alone when you're going on a holiday vacation.
10. A Christmas Carol (1951)
Another classic film. Let's be honest, We all would want our mean boss to be scared the shit by a bunch of ghosts.

I'm thankful for......

2008-11-24T21:37:00.000-08:00

having a roof over my head, and family and friends who care about me. These are the main things that everyone should be thankful for. The holiday season is here and 'Tis the season to be jolly. But because of this economic collapse, people aren't in a very good mood. People are losing their jobs, money, and houses. It's a bad time right now. Some people can't even afford to buy a turkey right now. Hopefully president-elect Barack Obama can fix this mess and bring Americans together during this time of recession. If he doesn't, we may be looking at The Great Depression part 2. On a lighter note, me and my friend went to a Knick game on Saturday. I almost didn't go because two days before, the organization decided to trade away the team's two best players - Jamal Crawford and Zack Randolph. I was very upset when I heard the news. I was this close to ripping those Knick tickets until my friend talked me out of it and convinced me that the Knicks are trying to clear salary cap space to get Lebron James in two years. The thought of getting Lebron James in two years calmed me down and made me look at the big picture. The knicks aren't going to win a championship this years anyway. So why not clear up cap space now and get Lebron James in two years. Lebron James is a great basketaball player. We better get him in two years when he's a free agent, or else we did this for nothing. Anyway, I went to the game with my friend. It was our first trip to the Garden (Madison Square Garden) and our first Knick game. It was a great experience. As usual, whenever me and my friend go someplace we look around to check out the girls in the place. We call it - "checking out the roster." There were some good looking girls there. And I'm not just talking about the Knick City Dancers. The roster was full of all-stars, if you know what I mean. The game was good too. Knicks beat the awful Washington Wizards. Whenever me and my friend go out it's always an adventure. I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving on Thurday. I'm going to wake up early to watch the Macy's day parade. Then I'll play some video games and watch some football. I'll spend the rest of the day eating that delicious turkey. I can't wait to tear that turkey up. I know you guys can't wait also. Until then, Happy Thanksgving to all of you out there.

It's been crazy!

2008-10-13T00:25:00.000-07:00

How's the last few weeks been for me? It's been crazy! These last few weeks have been the wildest, funniest, and happiest weeks of my life. It all started with my first-ever trip to Yankee Stadium a few weeks ago. As you already know from reading my last post, that was a great experience for me. I'll never forget it. I'll be able to tell my kids in the future that I had the chance to go to Yankee Stadium before it closed down. The week after that, I got the chance to see a living legend perform on stage. No, I'm not talking about Paul McCartney or Jay- Z, I'm talking about Paul Mooney. In the comedy world, Paul Mooney is one of the greatest stand-up comics to ever touch the stage. He's loud, angry, and sometimes racist, but for the most part, he's funny. He wrote with and for Richard Pryor. He's the closest thing to Richard Pryor. As an aspiring stand-up comic, it was a joy to watch him perform. He almost made me pee in my pants. That is another experience that I will never forget. A week after that, I celebrated my birthday. I ate pineapple cake with different flavors of ice cream. I opened the presents that I purchased myself weeks before. It was a great birthday. That weekend me and my best friend went to the Museum of Sex and saw a lot of interesting things. If you want to know, you got to go see for yourself. It was hard for me to leave the museum. I could've stayed there the whole day. But I left after three arousing hours. My friend then took me to David and Busters in Times Square and he bought me dinner as a belated birthday treat. The dinner was great, but my friend kept talking about this pretty waitress instead of eating his food. But the funny part of the evening was when we saw this angry guy who may been the manager, and my friend almost mistook him for Isiah Thomas. The guy did look like Isiah Thomas. Me and my friend joked that it probably was Isiah Thomas and he decided to work at a restaurant after being fired by the Knicks. Last week, I read some terrific books. All of these books were birthday gifts to myself. Some of the books I read were the Last Lecture, Physics Impossible, and Jim Norton: Happy Endings - The tales of a meaty-breasted zilch. I spent the whole week focused on reading these books than on anything else. This past Friday, I finally met one of my myspace friends in person. I got lost trying to find her house, but it was worth it. She's a cool person to talk to and hang out with. I gave her some belated birthday gifts and she gave me some alcohol. That alcohol gave me a monster headache the next morning. But anyway, I've enjoyed these past few weeks. I wish I could relive them again and again. They've been crazy!

My first trip to Yankee Stadium

2008-09-20T23:18:00.000-07:00

"The House That Ruth Built"
I've been a Yankee fan for over ten years now and I had not been to Yankee Stadium until Wednesday. I decided a month earlier to go see a Yankee game since I had never been to one before and to see Yankee Stadium up close and personal before it closes down. As you Yankee and baseball fans know, the current Yankee stadium will be demolished after the season ends and the Yankees will move into the new stadium next year. The current stadium was opened in 1923 and renovated in 1974. Yankee Stadium or "The House That Ruth Built" has hosted World Series Championships, boxing matches, football games, and religious gatherings. It has had many moments like Lou Gehrig's infamous farewell speech in 1939, "The greatest game ever played" between the New York Giants and Baltimore Colts in the NFL championship in 1958, and Muhammad Ali defending his heavyweight crown against Ken Norton in 1976. These great moments have given Yankee Stadium its mystique and aura unlike any other stadium in the world. When I stepped into Yankee Stadium on Wednesday, September 17, 2008, I felt that mystique and aura and was in awe of it. Everything about the stadium is fantastic - the seats, the field, the dimensions and asymmetry of the stadium, Monument park. It was surreal. I couldn't believe I was in Yankee Stadium. It was like a dream, but it wasn't. I had a great view of the field from where I was sitting. I sat in in the tier level in the upper deck section. I always thought the Upper deck was very high up because that's what it looks like on television. But in person, upper deck is high, but it isn't as high as I thought it was. I saw the game clearly from where I sat. I had some trouble figuring out some of the pitchers during later innings, but it didn't really matter. I enjoyed myself at the game and ate a Jumbo pretzel and drank a large cup of Sprite soda. I witnessed the Yankees beat the Chicago White Sox 5-1. It was a good game and I will never forget it. I had the chance to see the stadium where legends like Babe Ruth, Lou Gehrig, Joe DiMaggio, and Mickey Mantle played. And I had the chance to see my Yankees win. I will always cherish that memory of my first trip to Yankee Stadium. Go Yankees 2009!

My first Yankee game ticket

What am I doing?

2008-08-13T17:35:00.001-07:00

Nothing much. That’s what I’ve been doing. I’m still unemployed. It’s been two months now and I still haven’t found a job yet. I’ll keep looking. Lately I’ve been reading books on acting and screen writing. Someday I want to be a successful actor, as well as a screenwriter. I have some great movie ideas that could be Blockbuster hits in the future. But they’re just ideas right now. I haven’t written any scripts yet. I’ve also been writing in my comedy book and watching TV. I’ve been watching some of the Olympics. I like watching beach volleyball because the women are in their underwear. The swimming competitions have been fun to watch. I was excited that the USA relay team beat France after France was talking all that trash before the competition even started. Michael Phelps might win 8 gold medals. He looks like Eli Manning. Maybe he’s the lost brother of Eli and Peyton. A lot of celebrities are dying these days. Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes died over the weekend. It’s sad. I thought Bernie Mac was a funny guy even though I wasn’t a big fan of his show. I liked Isaac when he was the voice of chef on South park. But we all will remember him for composing the theme music to Shaft. R.I.P. both Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes. I have a new favorite music artist right now. Her name is M.I.A. She has a song called Paper Planes, and I am hooked on that song. Her sound is original and kind of futuristic. She blends rap, hip hop, pop, rock, dance music into one. And her music is about politics, social observations, and life. I have become a huge fan of her. Maybe you will become a fan of her too when you listen to song. Watch her music video below:

M.I.A. – PAPER PLANES

VICTORIA

2008-06-26T00:55:00.000-07:00

Victoria, Victoria, Victoria. This is the name of a girl I fell in love with a few months ago. I haven't seen her in a while. I've been trying so hard to forget about her, but it's hard to get someone out of your head when their name keeps appearing on television. I've been seeing that name on television all this week. It's driving me crazy. That name brings back memories of her. The good ones. Every time I hear or see her name, I get goosebumps and I think about how beautiful she looked and how sweet she was. I often find myself daydreaming and fantasizing about her. Those fantasies are usually about me being her boyfriend and being romantic to her. She was so beautiful. She is one of the most beautiful women I've ever met. I wish I had the chance to tell her how I felt about her. I had a crush and was in love with her. I always thought about writing her a love note, but I was scared. Scared of rejection. I gave her a rose. I hope she still has it. That rose is a symbol of my love, appreciation, and affection for her. When she's touching that rose, she's touching my heart. I miss her. I miss her pretty hair, her pretty face, her pretty smile, and her pretty body. Maybe I'll see her someday. Maybe the reason why I'm seeing her name so much on television is because it's some kind of sign. A sign that I'll see her again. And maybe be with her. If I never see her again, I'll move on with my life. But I will always be in love with her. I love you Victoria.

Boy George - Crying Came

RIP. GEORGE CARLIN

2008-06-25T16:06:00.000-07:00

Gerorge Carlin, one of the greatest stand-up comedians of all time passed away this past Sunday. This is a major shock in the comedy world. George Carlin was a major influence on some of the brilliant comedians today like Jerry Seinfeld, Chris Rock, and Jay Leno. He explored many topics in his stand-up routines like politics, religion, language, and American culture. He was also very observant and mocked society's faults and failures, as well as human behavior. George Carlin has been a major influence on me. I own most of his early comedy albums, including the album "Class Clown" where he reveals the seven dirty words you can't say on television. I think he is the second greatest stand-up comedian of all time behind Richard Pryor. I first saw him in the movie Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure. Then I watched him on Shining Time station where he played Mr. Conductor. It was years later that I found out that he was a stand-up comedian when I watched one of his HBO specials - You are all Diseased. I thought his stand-up was amazing. Ever since then I was a fan. He will be missed and his stand-up will influence many more present and future comedians. To see how great George Carlin was, watch the two videos below:

Seven dirty words you can't say on television

George Carlin on death

Rock bottom

2008-06-09T23:59:00.001-07:00

The hooneymoon is officially over. I have resigned from my position at Shoplet.com. It was fun working there. I made some friends over there and I fell in love with the secretary. I'll miss the secretary. She's one of the most beautiful women I've ever met. I just wish I could've gotten to know her better. I had to leave the job because my heart wasn't into it. Also, I kind of felt that I was being treated like a baby over there. I just had to leave. Right now I feel terrible. I'm dealing with high anxiety, depression, and a identity crisis. I'm at a low point in my life right now. I'm young and confused. I don't know where my life is headed. I don't know why I feel the way I feel. I feel lonely in the world right now. I don't want to socialize with my friends or have fun. I just want to eat, sleep, and watch TV. I know this is just a phase that I'm going through, but it is taking a toll on me mentally. I have to find a way to snap out of this funk. Right now it doesn't seem like I ever will.

The honeymoon may be over

2008-05-07T22:12:00.000-07:00

I've been stressed out and frustrated lately. I'm starting to hate my job at Shoplet.com. I'm getting tired of calling customers all day and trying to get them to continue buying from Shoplet. The job requires me to make 50 connected calls a day. Each call has to last for at least 30 seconds so I can get credit. All the calls I make are stored in a master phone system so management can look at. So, I have to make calls or else I'm fired. As a Shoplet employee, I'm required to average 50 calls a day and make my sales budget which increases every month. I have to develop relationships with customers and get them to continue purchasing. For this job you have to be an inside salesman, but sometimes I feel like I have to be a customer service representative because I have to deal with customers calling me about orders they haven't received, damaged items they got, and discontinued items that they thought were in stock. I have to deal with all of this while trying to make 50 outbound calls a day and reaching my expected budget. This job is taking a toll on me - physically and mentally. I can't take it anymore. I want to leave. It's not only the customers and the calls I have to put up with, it's also the people I work with. The people that I work with treat me like a little kid. Just because I look like a little kid doesn't mean I am one. I don't get no respect from some of them. My sales manager treats me like I'm 4 years old. I'm 24 years old damn it. This guy is always on my case and he's constantly making remarks to make me look like an idiot in the office. The sales assistant there treats me like a baby sometimes too. She doesn't take me seriously sometimes and she gets very uptight when I joke around with her. She is nice sometimes, but most of the time she isn't. Over the last couple of months I've developed strong feelings for her. I've told her how beautiful she is and I think she looks great considering she is a middle age woman. But she ignores me sometimes and gets mad at me because she thinks I'm rude to her. Nonetheless, I'm still attracted to her and I'm in love with her, but I wish she would treat me like she treated some of the other guys in the office. Like I said earlier, I'm starting to hate this job. I can't take the workload anymore and I can't handle being treated like an outcast at the office. This may be my last month working there. I really want to leave and go work somewhere else or become a full time comedian. Over the next few weeks I'll decide what I want to do. Whether I'll stay or go.

Here and Now

2008-04-20T13:32:00.000-07:00

I've been very tired lately and a little stressed out. My job can be a very stressful job. I have to call customers all day and stare at a damn computer. When I come home from work, I'm ready to go to bed and sleep. The old me would have quit this job a long time ago. But the new me will stay a little longer and save up money for my comedy career. I really need to get back onstage and do stand-up comedy. I haven't done it in so long. I know I can be a great stand-up comedian. The jokes that I write are funnier than the jokes of most of the comedians out there right now. I know I have potential. I'm creating a portfolio of my work to bring to an agent one day. I need an agent really bad. Without any agent, I'm going to be stuck in the same place doing 9-5 jobs. I don't want to be doing 9-5 jobs the rest of my life. I want to be a great comedian, and I want to be famous!

New job

2008-02-22T22:54:00.000-08:00

For a week and a half now, I've been working at Shoplet.com as an account manager. I'm still training, but so far I've done a lot of work. The people there are cool and the job isn't really that difficult. But sometimes it can be boring because you're looking at a computer all day and talking on the phone. The job is located in lower Manhattan and it's in a big building with other companies. I've been using a temporary pass to get upstairs because I haven't gotten a real pass yet. Maybe Monday I'll finally get one. Today it was very cold and it snowed. I didn't feel like going to work when I woke up this morning, but I decided to go. I need to make money and save up. I hope this job lasts awhile for me. I lasted only two days at my last job. I'm hoping to be with this company for at least 2-3 years. Hopefully.

Sensual Seduction

2008-02-18T21:25:00.001-08:00

I should've posted this video on Valentine's day. It's Snoop Dogg's music video "Sensual Seduction." I love the song and the video. Snoop Dogg goes old school and shows us how good music sounded like back in the day, when people had Afros and wore bell-bottoms. This is the type of song that drives girls crazy. If you bring a girl to your house and play this song, she will take her panties off immediately. You didn't even have to ask. This song is, how Snoop Dogg would say, the shiznick.

Snoop Dogg - Sensual Seduction

Rita Rudner: The funniest female ever?

2008-01-18T01:04:00.000-08:00

Over the years there have been many great female comics that have starred on sitcoms, variety shows, or stand-up specials. The notable ones are Lucille Ball, Carol Burnett, Lily Tomlin, Ellen Degeneres, Roseanne Barr, Sandra Bernhard, and Whoopi Goldberg. My favorites are Sarah Silverman, Wanda Sykes-Hall, Lisa Lampanelli, and Kathy Griffin. All of these women that I’ve mentioned are very talented and very funny. But none of these women can be compared to Rita Rudner. Rita Rudner may be the funniest female ever. When you look at her career, you'll see that she’s been nominated for Cable Ace Awards for her 1989 HBO special and had high rated comedy specials on A&E in the mid 90’s. And she’s had a best selling book. But she’s very underrated and doesn’t get the recognition she deserves. This is because she doesn’t fit the stereotype of a female comic. She’s too sweet and too ladylike. For this reason she has been overlooked time and time again. And most people have forgotten about her. Comedy Central didn’t even put her in their 100 greatest stand-up comedians of all time. How disrespectful. She’s not loud or offensive. Her comedy is clever, witty, and entertaining. She makes observations on life and offers her point of view on dating, men, age, and pet peeves. She smoothly transitions from one topic to the next. And her punchlines are brilliant - Rodney Dangerfield-esque. If she’s not the funniest female ever, she’s definitely one of the funniest females ever. I first saw one of her specials on Comedy Central years ago and I thought it was brilliant. I remember thinking she’s funny and kind of hot too. Till this day, I’ve never seen anyone deliver punchlines and one liners the way she does. I would put her in my top ten greatest comedians ever. Screw you Comedy Central! In my eyes, Rita Rudner will always be a legend in the comedy world, and she’ll always be funnier than Gallagher and Carrot Top combined. If you want to see how funny she is, watch the video below and judge for yourself. She is greaaatttt!

Rita Rudner Stand Up Comedy "Ladies Night Out"

My New Year's Resolutions for 2008

2008-01-01T02:05:00.000-08:00

1. Keep writing and become a better comedy writer.

2. Focus on my stand up comedy (Study films, albums, and my jokes.)

3. Create my own internet radio show (I haven't done radio since college. I miss it.).

4. Hire a talent agent and/or a literary agent.

5. Buy a camcorder and get a head shot photo.

6. Save up money.

7. Meet new friends and get in touch with old ones.

8. Exercise more.

9. Take my vitamins.

10. Mess around with a lot of girls.

What a day!

2007-12-22T00:04:00.000-08:00

Today was an up and down day. I didn't get much sleep last night because of a toothache that's been bothering me for days now. I can't have a root canal because I don't have the money to pay for it right now. I only got one hour of sleep. To top it off, I had to wake up early to go to a job interview with Mother Nature.com, an online store that sells health and medical products. The position that I applied for was Customer Service representative. The interview was at 8am. Even though I woke up at 6am, I was still late. The office is located in Seventh Avenue next to a diner. I was confused at first because the diner had the number of the building I was looking for. I almost went into the diner to ask if Mother Nature.com's office was located here, but then I decided to look at the two buildings next to the diner and I found what I was looking for. I pressed the doorbell and someone buzzed me in and then I went up to the 3rd floor where the office was. When I walked into the office, there were two guys on computers facing away from me. They didn't even bother to look back to see who came in. The office was very small. It looked like my apartment. I approached the desk of one of the guys and then the other guy saw me and realized he had to interview me today. No shit! He shook my hand and moments later led me into another room that looked like a kitchen. We sat down at a round table and he proceeded to interview me. The interview went real well. The guy was cool and he made it seem like the job is very simple. We shall see about that. The job is from 9-5 and requires data entry and answering a lot of customer calls each day. I think I can handle it if I'm hired. I really want this job. I need money to supplement my comedy career. After the interview was over, I went home and slept for three hours to make up the sleep that I didn't get last night. Later, I got up and got ready to meet my friend Will at a buffet that we always go to. Usually I'm the one who arrives late, but this time Willyboy came very very late. I almost left. When he arrived we went into the buffet and ate like pigs. This buffet has some delicious food that I've ever tasted. I wish I could live there. Anyway, me and Will ate, chatted, and had fun. We shared a few laughs and passed gas. It was fun. I gave him two videotape copies of wrestling matches and a Bonner's Boomers show (the sketch group that I'm in), The Incredible Hulk TV series movies, and I also showed him my drawing book from my younger days. When we were done eating, he went to work and my unemployed ass went home to lie in bed and listen to Opie and Anthony.

School records

2007-12-07T21:27:00.000-08:00

Here's my transcripts from high school and college; and my SAT scores:

Click the images to enlarge

High school transcript:
My grades in high school were good, but not great.

College transcript:
I did very well in college. I guess the older you are, the smarter you get.

SAT scores:
I took the SATs twice. Both times I failed to crack a score of 1000. Anyway, i still got into a good college. Who says the SATs measures your intelligence.

Your World

2007-11-13T22:51:00.000-08:00

This is a poem that I wrote two years ago while I was in college. It's about an outsider from another world viewing our world:

ENTER A WORLD

Where a homeless man sleeps in a dark alley

and has to share his bed with rats and roaches

Where a poor child runs through the street in dirty torn clothes, barefooted.

The only way that child can get food is

by stealing apples and oranges from the fruit and vegetable supermarket.

Where a infant lies on the sidewalk with its mother,

its tiny body composed of nothing but bones.

Where a poor woman is so thirsty, she has to prostitute herself

and suck dick for a diet coke.

Where losing your job means

No money to pay rent, no food to eat, and no place to live.

The only place to sleep is in a cardboard box next to

the house you once lived in.

Where a homeless man begs for a quarter

and gets walked on as pedestrians pass by in the subway.

From Africa, Russia, India, to America

Where no charity is big enough to feed the whole world of the poor

and house the millions of homeless.

SEE

Dope fiends and drug dealers in the ghetto

buying and selling drugs from morning to night, winter to summer, life to death.

Hoodlums smoking weed in front of five year old kids at the playground.

A newborn baby born high on crack.

A young man injecting himself with heroin

and enjoying the hot intense feeling of the drug flowing through his veins.

Groups of young people at a bar drinking ten glasses of gray goose

and then driving home unstable, unbalanced, unsupervised.

Another person killed by a drunk driver.

A trail of crack pipes leading you from the urban to the suburban.

Addicts going to Rehab and complaining that it’s a waste of their time.

ENTER A WORLD

Where young women show their breasts for beads

and have it filmed on camera.

Where an orgasm is as important as money.

Where teachers have sex with their students in the classroom..

Where Catholic priests act as pedophiles.

Where a 10 year old child discovers a porn site on the internet

and asks his mom “what’s a cunt?”

Where a teenage mother has seven kids by seven different men

and doesn’t know who the fathers are.

Where a young woman has to prostitute herself to pay her tuition.

Where celebrities purposely make sex videos

and are shocked when it goes public.

Where men like men, women like women, penis on penis, vagina on vagina.

Where cheating spouses and sex addicts drown themselves in pleasure.

Where diseases are a result of doing something that feels so good, but yet so bad.

Where AIDS is a dictator.

SEE

Soldiers being attacked by snipers and terrorists.

Missiles being launched, machine tanks firing, and M16’s shooting

right near civilians.

Teenagers going to school to kill, not to learn.

Gang members fighting with other gang members over territory.

A school girl being kidnapped and raped on her way to school.

A old man being stabbed in the heart for his wallet.

Rapists, murderers, and other felons confined and isolated

from the rest of the population.

A criminal being executed on death row.

Koyaanisqatsi.

Your world, not mine.